Hello, chummies! I've been extremely busy, of course.
My little sister, Mattie, is in a play called The Velveteen Rabbit, playing the part of Mouse. She is doing phantasmagorically, of course.
For those of you who don't know what the play is about, it's basically a lot like toy story, except it takes place in the 1920s in England. This little boy named Alex has a bunch of toys, and his favorite one is the Velveteen Rabbit. The Rabbit wants to be Real more than anything, and the only way to become Real is if a child loves you, or if the Toy Fairy comes and takes you away. The Toy Fairy is pretty much a myth, though, so the Rabbit focuses on trying to be loved.
And then bad stuff happens.
Alex gets sick with Scarlet Fever, known as the Scarlet Fear to the toys, and the little rabbit gets left in the garden in all the chaos. And, SPOILER ALERT, he's the only one who can save Alex from dying! Hello! So all the toys have to work together and try to rescue the Rabbit and Alex.
All my old play buddies are there. I don't think I'll ever understand that strange, familial air in and around the theatre. It's like everybody belongs automatically. It's nice.
Mattie looks awesome in her Mouse Costume. She has a hunchback sort of thing going on, and a tail, and a huge wind-up key made of foam. Her friend Celeste is Bulka, a dog who has a habit of fainting every five minutes. Her costume is kind of like a giant patchwork quilt. And then there's the other kids- the rabbit, who looks like a rabbit (gasp!), and the little boy who plays Timothy, whose costume has the unfortunate effect of making him look like a strange flowerpot-Weeble-Wobble-tomato hybrid. And the Skin Horse, whose head is not proportionate to his body at all. I think my favorite one is the Toy Fairy. I keep expecting her to turn a pumpkin into a coach and sing, "Bibbity Bobbity Boo!"
I'm helping out backstage this weekend. Humiliating pictures of the cast in costume will follow in due course. *insert evil grin*
Of course, I have to be careful. Karma could come back to bite me in the butt. I'm trying out for the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland in a few months, and Godric Gryffindor only knows what they'll make me wear if I'm in that....
Also, this weekend I went to a birthday party. It was the strangest one I've ever been to. We went to the new Holiday Inn that's in town and spent the night. I think it's because the birthday girl's heating was broken at her house, and no way are we sleeping somewhere with no heat in the middle of winter, merci you very much.
We left directly from school in a large, mysterious, black van that was somehow able to fit six girls (I suspect they used an Undetectable Extension Charm) and then stopped off at McDonald's to get drinks. Then we all went to the hotel, scared the management by riding up and down the hall on a luggage cart, and settled in our room to mooch around and do hotel room stuff.
(Okay, dirty minded people, shut up.)
We sat around for a while, and some of us were beginning to grasp that having a hotel room all to yourself with no adult supervision, loads of food, and a huge stack of DVDs actually sounds a lot cooler than it is. Then everybody was like, "Ooh, hotel! Let's go swimming!" And I was like, "I have bronchitis. I'm not swimming."
So I went downstairs, sat in a lounge chair, and read a book. Which was actually more fun than contaminating my hair with chlorine.
Then we went back upstairs and started watching movies while somebody ordered pizza. We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Princess Bride, and Iron Giant. I kid you not. That is what was in our huge stack of DVDs.
So by then I had taken my cough meds, which weren't working, and I was grumpy, and it was bedtime, and half of us wanted to go to sleep, and the other half had chugged an entire bottle of cherry coke and eaten loads of cupcakes and WOULD NOT SHUT UP. Here is a sample of the sort of conversations we were having:
Katy: Good night, everyone!
Kat: Good night moon!
Tessa: Good night bowl of mush!
Tabitha: Good night bears!
Janie: The next person to reference Good Night Moon will get sat on!
Iashia: Don't sit on me! Don't sit on me!
Me: Good night, Jim Bob!
Janie: GRRRRRRRRRR!
And so on.
So, after we had gotten Katy to stop skyping because it was midnight, for crying out loud, and after we had sorted out who would be sleeping where, and after people stopped getting up to hit each other with pillows, and AFTER people stopped singing Girl Scout songs, we managed to fall asleep.
Then today we had nasty hotel breakfast and watched the end of a movie about Casper the Friendly Ghost and the beginning of the first Legally Blonde, and then we came home.
Tada!
All in all, a pretty nice weekend, so far.
Before I leave, I have stuff to say:
1. Always save the princess from the Sicilian.
2. Cupcakes, BBQ Lays, and Dr. Pepper- bad combo.
3. I LOVE The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that my amazing dad got for me for Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!
4. I wrote a letter to Neil Gaiman, and if he writes back to me, I'll tell you about it. :)
5. This summer, I'm gonna do a vlog on the YouTube to try to get more people to read this stuff, so, if anybody has suggestions for stuff I should do, tell me. :)
Toodles,
Sarah
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Away With Sherlock On The TARDIS- Will Return By Dinner
Hello, friends. Enough of my lovesick moping! I have met my Valentine. He is this guy:
This is Sherlock Holmes.
I like to call him Sherly.
He is the star of my new favorite TV show, Sherlock, on lovely the BBC. It's shows like this that TV needs! They really make you appreciate the Brits and their humor... or, humour, I suppose. :)
In this interpretation, Sherlock Holmes lives in a modern flat in London at 221-B Baker Street, plays the violin, stores various human body parts in his fridge, and works as a consultant for Scotland Yard, where he terrorizes the Inspector and texts with other peoples' phones. His home-boy John Watson is a doctor and war vet, who just got back from Afghanistan, and consents to be Sherlock's flat mate after one meeting. Moriarty doubles as Mycroft, making things very interesting- Sherlock is related to his archenemy. Holmes regularly frustrates Watson, but every time he explains his deductions, Watson says, "Brilliant!" as if it wasn't obvious to the rest of us, and Holmes says, "You know you do that out loud, don't you?"
It's everything I love- British, crime, and based on a book. If I ever met the method to this madness, I would hug him.
The second reason that I love the BBC is the Doctor.
The Doctor?
Yes, the Doctor.
What do you mean, the Doctor?
Just the Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly!
I love it. I decided from the get-go that watching the new season would be cheating, because I wouldn't have a clue what was going on, so I go on Netflix and watch a few episodes whenever I get a chance. I am hooked! To any official fans, I know I'm behind, but I'm catching up!
For anyone who isn't familiar with Dr. Who, check this out:
This is the TARDIS. That stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Basically, it's a time machine/space ship. Why don't we learn to drive these things instead of making us learn to drive stupid cars??? You can't do anything with a car except go forward and backward and get into wrecks! With the TARDIS, you can go ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!! As in any place, any planet, any time, whenever you want! And you generally get to have some kind of awesome adventure whenever you go, in period dress. So, personally, I would be much more enthusiastic about driving if it was driving that thing.
So, yeah.
I think all I've managed to prove is that I have no life and like BBC shows better than USA channel. Oh, well. Toodles.
I like to call him Sherly.
He is the star of my new favorite TV show, Sherlock, on lovely the BBC. It's shows like this that TV needs! They really make you appreciate the Brits and their humor... or, humour, I suppose. :)
In this interpretation, Sherlock Holmes lives in a modern flat in London at 221-B Baker Street, plays the violin, stores various human body parts in his fridge, and works as a consultant for Scotland Yard, where he terrorizes the Inspector and texts with other peoples' phones. His home-boy John Watson is a doctor and war vet, who just got back from Afghanistan, and consents to be Sherlock's flat mate after one meeting. Moriarty doubles as Mycroft, making things very interesting- Sherlock is related to his archenemy. Holmes regularly frustrates Watson, but every time he explains his deductions, Watson says, "Brilliant!" as if it wasn't obvious to the rest of us, and Holmes says, "You know you do that out loud, don't you?"
It's everything I love- British, crime, and based on a book. If I ever met the method to this madness, I would hug him.
The second reason that I love the BBC is the Doctor.
The Doctor?
Yes, the Doctor.
What do you mean, the Doctor?
Just the Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly!
I love it. I decided from the get-go that watching the new season would be cheating, because I wouldn't have a clue what was going on, so I go on Netflix and watch a few episodes whenever I get a chance. I am hooked! To any official fans, I know I'm behind, but I'm catching up!
For anyone who isn't familiar with Dr. Who, check this out:
This is the TARDIS. That stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Basically, it's a time machine/space ship. Why don't we learn to drive these things instead of making us learn to drive stupid cars??? You can't do anything with a car except go forward and backward and get into wrecks! With the TARDIS, you can go ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!! As in any place, any planet, any time, whenever you want! And you generally get to have some kind of awesome adventure whenever you go, in period dress. So, personally, I would be much more enthusiastic about driving if it was driving that thing.
So, yeah.
I think all I've managed to prove is that I have no life and like BBC shows better than USA channel. Oh, well. Toodles.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Boy Talk
Happy February! This month is short- okay, only by a day, but STILL- and will therefore be rife with romantically-themed posts.
Now, before you go and get your barf bucket, remember that I am Sarah Shunpike: the accomplished (in my own world) sarcastic writer. So, it will be me making fun of anything that is "lovy-dovy" as they say.
Today's topic is a little more serious, and mostly for girls, although any guy readers I have (if any besides my dad- hi, Dad) can feel free to read on if they are especially brave. Because- insert trumpet sounds here- BOYS ARE THE TOPIC! Hurray!
Okay, everyone, before you continue, put on your best sleepover pajamas, paint your fingernails with the cheap glittery stuff you bought at Claire's, and pull up a couch cushion, because this is serious guy talk. We're gonna be here for a while. Alright, ponytails on? Should I stop stalling now? Great!
So, as a high school girl, I personally don't feel that guys should be an important part of our lives. I mean, to such an extent that we let them be on our brains all the time. I know that's not what any high schooler, or any girl even remotely close to my age, period, wants to hear. But that's what I'm saying.
Take a look at the facts: What are the chances that you will actually marry someone that you knew in high school? Pretty slim, I would say. I mean, as soon as high school's over, yeah, you talk about long distance relationships, but come on. Are you serious? They never. Ever. EVER work. That's one of the few things that Halmark Channel is realistic about. And even if you were one of those people who gets married, like, right out of high school, so what? Here's a News Flash: Teen marriages don't generally last that long. Quel surprise...
Besides all that, as much as I brother-love my guy friends, would you actually want to date anyone at your high school? Think about it. High school boys in general are kind of zitty and gross- well, we're all zitty. Girls are just better at hiding it than boys. But what about the thousands of pounds of red meat they devour in a single sitting? We witness this at lunch everyday. Guys on sports teams automatically start eating like Huns, or something, and they don't even think about all the poor animals they're killing. I'm not a vegetarian by any means, and I draw the line at one small cheeseburger. Or maybe some chicken nuggets.
And speaking of guys on sport teams, what is the deal with that weird thing they do at games where they huddle up and then start some kind of.... tribal chant? If anyone can explain that to me, please do so. Do you ladies really want to date that nonsense?
Not that I have anything against guys. I've totally had my share of crushes, because only ninety percent of me is a well-informed Christian liberal who believes in the Separation of Church and State and thinks that out of all the candidates running for president, Santorum is probably the sanest (oh yeah- a liberal just complemented a republican- there is a God!). The other ten percent- and it's pretty vocal for its size- is just a teenage girl reads all the time, is socially awkward, and deals with ordinary stuff like school and, yes, a strange and involuntary attraction to the opposite sex.
I guess I am sort of bitter though. I've never even been on a date. I don't think I'm any the worse for it, but I think it would be an interesting experience. I never got pretend married in kindergarten because I was too busy being afraid of other people. All through elementary school, nobody ever really "dated." In middle school, people started dating, but then it would have been kind of awkward; I mean, where are you supposed to go in middle school? You're twelve. Your options are pretty much anywhere your mom will drive you. (EVERYTHING is wrong with that sentence!)
And now, in high school, people are always talking about finding their soul mate. Here's what I think: You are a (hypothetical) sixteen-year-old person. You JUST got your driver's license. That doesn't make you an authority on true love. It doesn't even mean you can parallel park.
Another piece of advice to girls, or really anyone with a facebook who isn't married: PLEASE STOP POSTING THINGS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON YOUR STATUS! Okay, so saying you went out to Starbucks or something is fine. I can live with that. But saying things like, "I can't live without you!" or "I wish you were with me because I'm dying without you!" or anything with the word "teardrop" in it is kind of over the top. If you really feel that way about a person, you should stop acting like a Tennessee Williams character and go tell them yourself, because nobody on facebook really cares that much, and anybody who does will be a good person and call you in REAL LIFE to let you talk. Or even better, give you the number of a therapist. Either is the sign of a true friend.
All joking aside, ladies, don't let boys control your life. Don't be like Amy and Ricky. In fact, don't be like any of the characters from an ABC Family TV show. If you stick to that philosophy, love God, and drink lots of coffee, I would say that you're good to go.
Now, before you go and get your barf bucket, remember that I am Sarah Shunpike: the accomplished (in my own world) sarcastic writer. So, it will be me making fun of anything that is "lovy-dovy" as they say.
Today's topic is a little more serious, and mostly for girls, although any guy readers I have (if any besides my dad- hi, Dad) can feel free to read on if they are especially brave. Because- insert trumpet sounds here- BOYS ARE THE TOPIC! Hurray!
Okay, everyone, before you continue, put on your best sleepover pajamas, paint your fingernails with the cheap glittery stuff you bought at Claire's, and pull up a couch cushion, because this is serious guy talk. We're gonna be here for a while. Alright, ponytails on? Should I stop stalling now? Great!
So, as a high school girl, I personally don't feel that guys should be an important part of our lives. I mean, to such an extent that we let them be on our brains all the time. I know that's not what any high schooler, or any girl even remotely close to my age, period, wants to hear. But that's what I'm saying.
Take a look at the facts: What are the chances that you will actually marry someone that you knew in high school? Pretty slim, I would say. I mean, as soon as high school's over, yeah, you talk about long distance relationships, but come on. Are you serious? They never. Ever. EVER work. That's one of the few things that Halmark Channel is realistic about. And even if you were one of those people who gets married, like, right out of high school, so what? Here's a News Flash: Teen marriages don't generally last that long. Quel surprise...
Besides all that, as much as I brother-love my guy friends, would you actually want to date anyone at your high school? Think about it. High school boys in general are kind of zitty and gross- well, we're all zitty. Girls are just better at hiding it than boys. But what about the thousands of pounds of red meat they devour in a single sitting? We witness this at lunch everyday. Guys on sports teams automatically start eating like Huns, or something, and they don't even think about all the poor animals they're killing. I'm not a vegetarian by any means, and I draw the line at one small cheeseburger. Or maybe some chicken nuggets.
And speaking of guys on sport teams, what is the deal with that weird thing they do at games where they huddle up and then start some kind of.... tribal chant? If anyone can explain that to me, please do so. Do you ladies really want to date that nonsense?
Not that I have anything against guys. I've totally had my share of crushes, because only ninety percent of me is a well-informed Christian liberal who believes in the Separation of Church and State and thinks that out of all the candidates running for president, Santorum is probably the sanest (oh yeah- a liberal just complemented a republican- there is a God!). The other ten percent- and it's pretty vocal for its size- is just a teenage girl reads all the time, is socially awkward, and deals with ordinary stuff like school and, yes, a strange and involuntary attraction to the opposite sex.
I guess I am sort of bitter though. I've never even been on a date. I don't think I'm any the worse for it, but I think it would be an interesting experience. I never got pretend married in kindergarten because I was too busy being afraid of other people. All through elementary school, nobody ever really "dated." In middle school, people started dating, but then it would have been kind of awkward; I mean, where are you supposed to go in middle school? You're twelve. Your options are pretty much anywhere your mom will drive you. (EVERYTHING is wrong with that sentence!)
And now, in high school, people are always talking about finding their soul mate. Here's what I think: You are a (hypothetical) sixteen-year-old person. You JUST got your driver's license. That doesn't make you an authority on true love. It doesn't even mean you can parallel park.
Another piece of advice to girls, or really anyone with a facebook who isn't married: PLEASE STOP POSTING THINGS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON YOUR STATUS! Okay, so saying you went out to Starbucks or something is fine. I can live with that. But saying things like, "I can't live without you!" or "I wish you were with me because I'm dying without you!" or anything with the word "teardrop" in it is kind of over the top. If you really feel that way about a person, you should stop acting like a Tennessee Williams character and go tell them yourself, because nobody on facebook really cares that much, and anybody who does will be a good person and call you in REAL LIFE to let you talk. Or even better, give you the number of a therapist. Either is the sign of a true friend.
All joking aside, ladies, don't let boys control your life. Don't be like Amy and Ricky. In fact, don't be like any of the characters from an ABC Family TV show. If you stick to that philosophy, love God, and drink lots of coffee, I would say that you're good to go.
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