Why The World Is (NOT) Going To End

I know. It's really, really sad that it took three weeks for me to wake up and say, "Hey... isn't the world supposed to end?"

Pathetic. I am so behind the times.

HOWEVER, I have it on good authority (whenever I say that, it means Wikipedia) that the world is not going to end... yet.

This is an article in which I will disprove all the theories about 2012 that I have heard of (well, actually, I will tell you what other people have told me and then leave links at the bottom... teehee).

Ridiculous Theory #1: Nibiru, or Planet X!
This whole 2012 thing actually started in 2003 when some people predicted that a planet called Nibiru, or Planet X, would hit Earth and cause an Apocalypse. Personally, that sounds more like a Tom Hanks movie scenario than an actual, plausible theory to me, but hey, I'm not a hater. So, when Planet X (I'm going to call it that now because it's cool) didn't destroy Earth in 2003 they were like, "Whoops! Sorry 'bout the screw up, we meant... um... er... uh... 2012!"

And it stuck, clearly. But in case you were worried, don't be. Planet X is an ex-planet. It doesn't exist, and even if it did and was about to hit Earth, we would know, because astronomers would have been tracking it. It would have been on the news, especially the past five years or so, and there would be all sorts of pictures and vain evacuation attempts... you get the idea. And we'd probably be able to see it, the way we can see the planets in our own solar system in the night sky.

Ridiculous Theory #2: The Mayan Calender
Yes, the Mayans made a calender. Yes, it ends in 2012. Guess what? I have a Princess Bride calender from Universe Publishing, and it ends on December 31st. So, clearly, the world is going to end on December 31st. Right? Heck, I have a freebie wall calender from the Super Buffet here in town, with a nice picture of a panda bear on it. It came with a take out menu. Why do I have two calenders? No idea? But the point is, just because a calender ends doesn't mean that the world ends there too.

Ridiculous Theory #3: Planetary Alignments
This is the theory that tickles me the most, because every time I hear it, I picture a bunch of old guys in robes in the middle of a desert somewhere, talking to each other about astronomy in those funny, desert-astronomer-accents they have. In my mind. Which is clearly a crowded, dangerous place. Ha ha.

Anywho, this theory is as vague as it gets. Apparently, the Earth and the Sun are going to align with the center of the Milky Way on December 21st, causing- ahem- "bad things." The end.

I don't mean to be Simon Cowell here, but that's absolute rubbish.

Since Earth and the Sun align with center of the Milky Way EVERY YEAR around the winter solstice, and nothing bad has happened yet, it really doesn't sound like a cause for concern.

Ridiculous Theory #4: The Polar Shift Theory
This is one that I actually hadn't heard before. Props to whoever thought it up- they have a huge imagination and a gullible audience. Basically, this theory states that Earth's crust does a 180-degree rotation around Earth's core in a matter of days. That would be really bad- if it were scientifically possible. The truth is, the crust can't do that, because of Plate Tectonics and a few other science-y things. The continents do move back and forth, since they float on magma under the Earth. They move a few inches over the course of several years. Even that huge earthquake in Japan last year moved the island about eight(ish) inches- which is a lot, to be honest. So in order for the crust to do a one-eighty, there would have to be a massive- and so far, impossible- earthquake that encompassed the entire globe. Or something along those lines.

Ridiculous Theory #5: Solar Storms- AHHH- not.
There are people who are worried that there will be huge solar storms during this fictitious Apocalypse, due to some unforeseen irregularity in the solar cycle, which will cause the Earth to look like this:

Que scary opera music, please.

Actually, there will be some solar activity this year. It will look like this:

Scared out of your mind, right?

Unless you have auroraphobia (fear of Northern Lights) or photophobia (the fear of light in general), this shouldn't bother you. And if you really do have those to phobias, just stay away from the Arctic Circle, and you'll be fine. Of course, you'll still be at your house, hiding in the dark, alone- but still, fine.

Still don't believe me? Check these links:
Proof That the Government Should Still Fund NASA
Charlie's Video, In Which the World Does NOT End
NigaHiga's Video, In Which Some Hobbits Are Awkward...