Okay. It looks like this blog is turning into a monthly thing. Can we all deal with that? Good.
So.
I have something I need to say, because it has recently become relevant in my life.
I am a seventeen-year-old girl. And I have never once been on a date or been in a romantic relationship. I didn't even pretend to get married on the playground in kindergarten.
I don't usually dwell on it. I mean, while I'm pretty much okay being single, it doesn't exactly do much for your self-esteem to spend any large amount of time sitting there going, "I've never had a boyfriend UGH." But I'm just saying, I've made it perfectly clear in previous posts, and IRL, that it is not my life's goal to get a boyfriend. It'd be nice, but it's not exactly my main focus.
That being said, relationships have come up in a lot of my conversations recently. Particularly conversations with adults. These are adults I love dearly. I know for a fact that they care about me. But I have some beefs with the so-called "advice" or "encouragement" they are always trying to offer. Because honestly, in that respect, I don't feel like I need anyone to hug me and tell me that the perfect guy will eventually show up. Maybe I did at one point. That point may even have been less than a year ago. But not anymore.
One thing I get very often, from people of all ages, is "You aren't missing out." Along with every variation of this statement known to the English language.
Most often, this statement pops up in conversations where the other person brought up the topic of relationships and specifically asked me if I had a boyfriend or was dating. And that is one huge reason why I find it so incredibly patronizing. And while I have never actually said this to anyone, I'm going to take the opportunity to say it now:
Do you remember when you were a little kid, and you'd go to the store and you couldn't see over the counter, and you were always begging your mom or dad to lift you up so you could see what was behind the counter? Or maybe when you first learned to read and saw doors in big office buildings that had signs reading, "Authorized Personnel Only"? Grown-ups were always telling us there wasn't anything interesting in those places. And somewhere in the back of our minds, we were thinking, "It's not interesting to you because you've seen it."
When you eventually grew tall enough to look over the counter or old enough to take a job and become the authorized personnel that could go behind the door, you learned that the grown-ups were right. There really isn't anything interesting in those places. But when you're a little kid, you never know. There could be anything back there! A pile of chocolate bars! A sheet of scratch-and-sniff stickers! Barney! A magical wish-granting unicorn!
The point being, you know in your head that the grown-ups are probably right, but that doesn't stifle your curiosity one bit.
And that's kind of how I feel when people tell me I'm not missing out by not dating.
The second thing I find marginally more annoying and patronizing. And it usually comes from adults that are already married: "Oh, I never dated much in high school either. There's nothing wrong with it."
I know these people mean well and all, but still.
First of all, bear in mind that I. Have. Not. Dated. At all. Ever. In my entire life. Never even come close.
You, kind sir or madam, however well-meaning you are in your advice, have had a small number of high school relationships. Admittedly, relationships that clearly you are not the worse for ending. But still. Even if you only dated one person for half a week in high school, you've dated more than me.
I have mentioned repeatedly that I have no problem being single, but if you're telling me you haven't dated much when I'm telling you I never have, I feel less understood and more like you're ignoring me and shelling out words of wisdom that you've been hanging on to ever since you saw the teen pregnancy rate for the past several years.
On to the second half of that statement: I KNOW there is nothing wrong with not dating much. I know there isn't anything wrong with not having dated at all. I am fully aware. Thank you for agreeing with me. Over. And. Over.
So, in conclusion:
1. Please, please stop giving me this "advice".
2. Next time the topic of relationships comes up, don't assume that I have a low self-esteem because I've never had a boyfriend. I mean, if it is low, that's not the reason. It has more to do with other events in my life unrelated to relationship problems, which I've never had, because I've never had a boyfriend.
3. Don't assume I'm lying when I say I'm okay with never having dated. I don't need you to be my savior and show me the true beauty of my personality or whatever. What's the point of telling girls that they're fine without a boyfriend if you turn around and tell the girls who really are fine with it that they're lying?
Okay. Rant over.
